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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Edit

I've so far gotten back my Amaths, Emaths, History and SS results. Just one word to describe them - horrendous. Yeah, that word has just about sum up my very screwed results. But I'm not gonna complain much because I have no right to. I deserve all these. Its a fact that I haven't been putting much effort at all. To make it worse, I totally wasted my holiday away on vcds and outings. I think the prelims is really a wake up call. 15 points for 3 subjects. No more first 3 months. Urghhh. I need to kill myself.

Obviously my mum flared up. And so, obviously we quarrelled. What's new? So there's an ongoing cold war at home yet again. Yeah. Its infuriating trying to just get her to understand, let alone, have a decent talk with her. But I'm used to it already so I can't be bothered anymore. At least, it only make me more motivated to want to prove to her that I do study unlike the crap that she said and is also able to achieve the results. Talk about motivation, I found one already. Haha. So Polar, I found a motivation number 2! :D

Anyway, today have been a day filled with mixed emotions. The prelim results aside, its actually quite an enjoyable day. I was reminded about the sec 1 days and it occured to me just how frigging much I wanna be in sec 1 again. They were indeed the best days of my entirely secondary school life. I miss 1 Grace`03, and my importanly, I miss them. Everyone's leading different lives now and have since moved on to make different friends. That's quite saddening cause I really thought we would go all the way and remain as close. But oh well, I guess its all fated and if I look at the bright side, at least I'm left with wonderful memories. (: Hmm. I need to say this. Geraldine Ho, I'm so glad we're talking much more these days. You've never been forgotten and never will be. [=

Yup yup, its the Cheena prelims tomorrow. I need to get that A1 desperately to keep my slim hopes of my first 3 months alive. May God bless me, Amen. Oh by the way, he answered my prayers twice today. So I will continue having faith. (: Okay, I'm outta here. And one final thing, this is late but since I only get to blog today... Roger Federer won the US Open! He's just pure class. So sorry about that, Andy Roddick!

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Right, I feel damn upset now. Had an argument with my dad. I don't mean for all these to happen but they are all beyond my control. Its really hard for me to communicate with my parents. They just don't see things from my point of view. I'm pretty fed up with all these. Its been long since I last cried and right now, I can't seem to stop. And it pisses me even more when my dad says that everytime they talk to me, I'd shed tears. Its not like I can control my emotions and its not like I wanna cry in front of them just to show them how weak I am. Damn everything right now. I really have no idea what I gotta do right now. I'm feeling damn shitty. I feel so distant from my family. It was never like that in the past. I'm drifting further and further from them as years go by. This is painful. It suck. I don't feel a sense of belonging at home anymore. Okay, sorry about this. I just needed to rant and make someone understand because try as I might, nobody seemed to get it. I guess I just have to get on with life. Its how life works I guess. Stay strong Lucia Yeo. Do not revert back to the past.

I'm really trying, but why can't anyone see that!?
I need a clone of myself just to understand my thoughts.